Letters153 Letter CLIII. To BERNARD DESPORTES/ OF THE CARTHUSIAN ORDER. His correspondent had asked for an Exposition of the Canticles. He replies by pleading his inability to perform so great a task, and to satisfy the expectation of others (A.D. 1135)

1. You ask importunately, but I refuse as constantly, not as despising you, but as sparing myself. I wish that I could produce something that was worthy of your eager wish, and of your intelligence. I would, if I could, give for you the light of my eyes; yea, my soul itself, my dearest friend, my brother, to be embraced in the bowels of Christ by me most of all with the fulness of spiritual love. But where is the ability, or when shall I have leisure enough to undertake what you ask for? Nor do you seem to ask for anything trifling or worthless, such as lies in my power. You would not be thus pressing for what was of little moment. For your numerous letters, and the eagerness that animates them, sufficiently show your wish. Therefore, the more ardent I see your feelings to be, the more do I shrink from gratifying them. Why is this? I am afraid of bringing forth a ridiculously insignificant mouse, while you expect great things. I am afraid of this, and this is the cause of my hesitation. And what wonder is it that I am afraid of giving what I should be ashamed to publish? I am unwilling, I confess, to give you anything, because I think I should be rather issuing some contemptible work than publishing something that would be useful. Who can wish to give what would only cause shame to the giver, without benefiting the receiver? Willingly do I give what I have, but unwillingly do I throw it away. I know that when great things are expected lesser things are generally displeasing. But what is not gratefully received is thrown away, not given.

2. It is your aim, since you have leisure and freedom, to seek from all quarters for fuel for the fire with which you burn, that you may burn the more, and fulfil the will of the Lord, who says, And what do I wish, except that it burn brightly? (S. Luke xii. 49, VULG.). I praise your aim, but not if you seek to obtain it in a quarter where you are likely to complain afterwards of having been disappointed. You err if you seek it with me. I ought rather to beg for such fuel from you. I know, indeed, how much more blessed it is to give than to receive; but that is true only when what is given is honourable to the giver, expedient for the receiver, and such a gift you will in vain seek from me. But such as I have, I am afraid that if I brought it forward, you would be ashamed of having wished for it, and would repent of having asked for it. But still, will it not after all be better for you to make my excuses to yourself? Let your own eyes judge for themselves. I yield to your importunity, to take away suspicion. I am dealing with a friend. I no longer spare my modesty, and hence forth while your desire is gratified, I will not make mention of my folly. I am having transcribed for you some sermons lately delivered on the beginning of the Canticles, and I send them to you before they are made public. When I have time, according as Christ assigns me my tasks, I will endeavour to proceed with this work. Ask this for me in your prayers. I warmly salute through you my lord and father your Prior, with the rest of your brethren, and I humbly entreat them to remember me before God.