AFFABILITY. - It is the virtue that regulates the whole exterior conduct of a person (speech, action, manner), so as to make him well accepted and pleasing to those with whom he is in relation. Affability is a social virtue, annexed to justice, because man is by nature destined not to a solitary life, but to living together with others; now this living together is not possible without a courteous, well-mannered, gentle, gracious manner. "No one can remain a single day with a tiresome person or one who does not know how to make himself amiable" (Aristotle in Ethic. Nicom. 5, 2, cited by St. Thomas In X libros Ethicorum, lect. 5ᵃ). On the contrary, Sacred Scripture warns, "how beautiful and joyful it is that brothers dwell together! It is like fragrant oil poured on the head and spreading over the beard... like the dew of Hermon... because there the Lord bestows blessing and life forever" (Ps. 132, 1-4). "Make yourself amiable in the assemblies of the poor; lend the poor your ear without annoyance and answer him in a friendly way" (Eccl. 4, 7-8). Affability is therefore a matter of order and harmony, of civility, of urbanity, of courtesy, with all that is fine and delicate, enchanting and exquisite contained in these words. And it will be all the more perfect, the more it proceeds from a lively sentiment of the soul, which accompanies the exterior act; but, strictly speaking, it prescinds from the interior and regulates only the exterior.
Affability, being a moral virtue, must remain in the golden mean. It does not exclude, however, that, in view of a good to be attained and an evil to be avoided, one must sometimes sadden one's neighbor: "Have you daughters? Guard their body and do not show them too smiling a face" (Eccl. 7, 26). And St. Paul to the Corinthians: "I rejoice not because you were saddened, but because this sadness led you to repentance" (II Cor. 7, 9). "Here there is a whole program of perfect urbanity and courtesy and at the same time of high morality and wise reserve for daily relations with one's neighbor" (Pègues, p. 676).
Affability must also guard against flattery (v.), which praises one who is not praiseworthy or praises under aspects that are not praiseworthy; and against moroseness (v.), which makes one difficult or unyielding.
Bibliography2 works
Celestino Testore