AFFABILITY. — It is the virtue that regulates all the external conduct of man (*words, actions, demeanor*), so as to make him acceptable and pleasing to those with whom he is in relation. Affability is a social virtue, annexed to justice, because man is by nature destined not to solitary life, but to coexistence with others; now this coexistence is not possible without a courteous, educated, kind, and gracious demeanor. “No one can remain even a single day alone with an annoying person or one who does not know how to make himself amiable” (*Aristotle in Ethic. Nicom.*, 5, 2, as cited by St. Thomas in *In X libros Ethicorum*, lect. 5°). On the contrary, Holy Scripture warns, “Behold, how good and pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! It is like the precious oil upon the head, running down upon the beard... like the dew of Hermon... for there the Lord commanded the blessing, life for evermore” (*Ps. 132, 1-4*). “Be affable in the assemblies of the poor; lend your ear to the poor without annoyance and answer him kindly” (*Ecclus. 4, 7-8*). Affability is thus a matter of order and harmony, of civility, urbanity, and courtesy, with all that is fine and delicate, enchanting and exquisite contained in these words. And it will be all the more perfect the more it springs from a lively sentiment of the soul that accompanies the external act; but, strictly speaking, it disregards the interior and regulates only the exterior.
Since affability is a moral virtue, it must remain in the golden mean. It does not exclude, however, that for the sake of a good to be achieved or an evil to be avoided, one must sometimes grieve one’s neighbor: “Have you daughters? Keep watch over their bodies and do not show them too smiling a face” (*Ecclus. 7, 26*). And St. Paul to the Corinthians: “I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting” (*2 Cor. 7, 9*). “Here is a program of perfect urbanity and courtesy and at the same time of high morality and wise reserve for daily relations with one’s neighbor” (*Pèques*, p. 676).
Affability must also guard against flattery (v.), which praises one who is not praiseworthy or praises in respects that are not praiseworthy; and against moroseness (v.), which renders relations difficult or unyielding.
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