Letters459 Letter CDLIX (Formerly No. 479)

From Peter de Roya, Novice of Clairvaux, to C., Provost of Noyon.

He enumerates the errors of his past life, and praises the organization and customs of Clairvaux as admirable.

To his very, dear C, Provost, perhaps only for a year, of the holy mother church of Noyon, but to be a king for ever if he wills in Heaven.

Brother Peter, by the mercy of God, a Novice of Clairvaux, health in the Lord.

1. It is the custom with friends who are united by the love of Christ, but separated by an interval of distance, that when they are unable to see each other and talk face to face, they keep each other in pious memory nevertheless in Christ, and confide their feelings to each other; enquiring respecting each other’s health with the secret and friendly voice of the heart, and interceding in turn before God for each other with earnest prayer. According to this law of love you sometimes enquire-, I doubt not, about me in your secret heart, and would like to know in what state I, your friend, am; what is my condition and state of mind, what are my desires and wishes and my disposition towards yourself. And perhaps in your friendship towards me you fear whether I have not placed upon my shoulders, which you remember used to be narrow and you fear may be weak, a heavy burden to be borne, a difficult yoke to be endured. My dear friend, many have trembled where no fear was; and since you love me in Jesus, you ought not to feel such apprehensions on my account. For these things are the burden of the Lord, and His yoke is easy, and His burden light. I am far from being able to imitate the multitude of good examples, which are brought under my notice day by day: but in order to reassure you respecting my condition and my wishes, I wish to send to my dear friend a description of Clairvaux in few words; of the poor of Christ who dwell in it; of the manner and routine of their life, to emulate which my soul earnestly aspires.

2. First of all then, I will describe to you in some degree and measure, my former life: in some measure I say, though there was seldom or never any measure in it. But I desire that you should know from the description, if you will give it your attention, from how many and frightful deaths the goodness of the Lord has delivered me, and may glorify Him, who in truth will in no wise cast out any sinner that cometh unto Him. If in the course of my history, you should remark faults which you have fallen into as well as I, I advise you faithfully as a brother, in the interest of your salvation to correct them without delay, while you have still time, since you know not what a day may bring forth. I then, my dear friend, when I was at Noyon, used to sit frequently in an embrasure of the windows of the Bishop’s house, either alone, or with you or other companions: and often contemplated the order and stateliness of that house, then in the freshness of its beauty, now already growing old: and while doing so I used secretly to turn my mental vision upon that most exquisitely ordered house which is in the heavens, whose fairness, glorious, indestructible and ever new, transcends the imagination of man. When I reflect that I unfortunately pursued a road which led me farther away from that celestial home instead of bringing me nearer to it, I seem to myself most miserable. By that, if I had not speedily fled from it, I should have been quickly and infallibly hurried to that house far different, the abode of misery and of extreme and unmeasured iniquity, where not order but horror dwells for ever, where is the worm that dieth not and the fire that is not quenched.

How rightly did I then realise with anxiety, whither the love of the world would carry me, as it had already begun to do. By it I was devoured and consumed by loose and foolish desires, being, as it were, drunken with them: nor had I any desire nor power to resist fleshly pleasures. One thought only still followed me everywhere, that I must die; and that I should not be able to escape paying eternal penalties for the fleeting pleasures of this world.

3. For when I sat at the table of our lord the Bishop, our fellow-citizen and our host, I fed daintily off silver plate, and healthfully also, as far as the dishes were concerned: and while I helped myself with my bodily hand, to these dainties, I often took from the same plates, with the hand of my mind, a far different food. And you, my dear friend, did not know that I was doing this, though I sat tolerably near you. What then? have I anything to say against these daily festive banquets, or the innocent plates and dishes? against the good wine, of which the soft colour charmed the eye, and the pleasant flavour the palate, or against the silver goblets which contained it? By no means. There was no fault in the food, in the wine, nor in the silver vessels: but in the earthen vessel of my body were the seeds of thorns, of which the growing crop pierced and wounded my soul, and which the sight and hearing of outward things strengthened and made to grow. Often then at table and elsewhere, these thoughts passed through my mind, as I gazed upon the costly and sumptuous dinner services of the Episcopal table.

4. I used to make similar reflections upon many other worldly things, when those thieves, my eyes, transgressors of God’s law, betrayed me into concupiscence. For I frequently said to myself thus-; ‘Peter, the things you look upon, the things you rejoice in, or desire to rejoice in, are all of the world: there will be a time when they will cease to exist. But you will still exist, Peter; and in what state for since you scorn the Cross of Christ, in which alone you ought to glory, since you wish to glory in worldly things, although you know well that the world with the lust thereof, in which you are daily plunged, passes away: and that man, when he perishes cannot retain his possessions, nor will his glory go with him! Remember, Peter, that this vile garment of flesh which you value so much, so that for the sake of its joys and pleasures, you would forget not only yourself, but also God which is a far greater and worse fault; this in a short time, you will abandon to the worm and to corruption. In this hour of your going forth (and when it will happen you know not) stripped of your mantle of the body, whither will you take refuge? who will come to your help? where will you await the day when you will be rejoined to your bodily vesture? For you will truly take it again and live in it: you will rise again, either in life and joy or in death and pain: and of each of these there shall be no end.

5. These are the reflections, my dear friend, which I frequently but silently revolved in the cell of my Jieart: and these reflections often times dwelt upon, took away almost all gladness from my heart. Nor was it wonderful: since my conscience accused me of having done all in my power to change my Saviour into a severe judge, since I did not fear to offend Him, even in matters which belong to His worship. O how strange, rash and even mad presumption! I was quite sure that the Lord was righteous, and that He was able to destroy me for ever in hell: and yet knowing this, and fearing it, I yet did not cease to offend Him. I had indeed, that the Lord might be my portion, received the sacrament of order, 1 but the course of my life, since I had done so, had rendered me very unsuited, by the very fact, for the sacrament. 0 how strange, how foolish and shameless was my state of mind! The testimonies of God are pure: and I presumed to read and preach them out of a polluted heart, and with a mouth defiled and insincere, though I knew that the Lord had said to the sinner: Why dost thou preach my laws, and takest my testimonies into thy mouth? (Ps 1. 16). If ever I read or cited these laws in the church, from any other motive than the love and honour of God, I knew surely that I was guilty of a kind of sacrilege, because I offered to vanity the worship which was due to God. And therefore I was not the servant of God: for of this the Apostle says: If I pleased men, I was not the servant of Christ. (Gal. i. 10) and the Prophet: God will scatter the bones of those who please men. (Ps. liii. 5 Vulgl). But to speak truly, it was frequently my chief preoccupation, a most lamentable one, to please men, or to please myself, not to please God.

6. I was at that time nothing but a bad servant. By what right then should I occupy longer my place in the field of God, being a root of bitterness, good for nothing, even hurtful to many and more hurtful to myself, since I produced only bitter fruit? What example did I give to the living, or what sacrifice did I offer for the dead, I who ate of the fat of their offerings, and drank of the wine of their libations? since, with whatever cloak I concealed the fact, I 1 Clericatus i. e., minor orders, or at least the tonsure. (E.)

was only a pilferer and robber of the goods of the Church, and an expender of them for culpable purposes. 0 how wicked and hateful to God was my perversity! I had heard that S. Jerome had written: ‘Whosoever abuses the goods of the Church to improper purposes, commits the sin of purchasing falsehood, and is guilty of the Blood of the Saviour.’ Thus since I was in this, as in many other respects,; guilty of abuse and of rapine, that true and terrible declaration of the Apostle was often sounding in my ears: Robbers shall not possess the Kingdom of God(1 Cor. vi. 9, io): and in reply came from the depth of my heart the fearful, sorrowful, and crushing conclusion: Therefore they will be precipitated into the prison of unclean spirits, where they will be consumed for ever in the fire that is never quenched! Yes, I arrived at that instant conclusion, as well by the law of argument and reasoning, as because the day of the Lord in which this shall come to pass, rapidly approaches; as says the Prophet: The day of the Lord cometh, for it is nigh at hand: a day of darkness and gloom (Joel ii. i, 2?) Therefore is it strange if these and many similar sayings rendered me thoughtful and full of care: since I could not recall from my infancy a moment of my life, in which I had not been guilty of some dis-honesty or other action worthy of death. Nothing pleased me better than the vain occupations and meetings of vanity, plays, jests, games, works provoking to mirth, not to profit: frequently did I utter falsehood, rarely the truth. I swore falsely, I flattered, I complimented, and such like: and in consequence of common and habitual custom, I thought them scarcely sins at all, but only a compliance with politeness and the usages of society. Yet I knew that all these things, when they make separation between God and man, are only falseness and foolishness. 1 am silent about my greater faults’, my feelings of pride and envy, hatreds, quarrels, slanders, evil speakings. I am silent about those wicked thoughts and works of mud and filth in which I was unhappily absorbed in secret; all that was in me from one moment to another was but mire, and my actions were hurrying me unto the punishment of eternal death. But the Father of Mercies looked upon me, and at length He visited me, and drew me to the feet of His Son.

7. You see then how great a thing the Father of goodness did for my soul when He mercifully drew me from the waters of Babylon, and still more mercifully placed me at Clairvaux beside the fountains of Salvation. Although Clairvaux is in appearance situated in a valley, its foundations are upon the holy hills, whose gates the Lord loves more than all the dwellings of Jacob. Glorious things are spoken of it, because in it the glorious and wonderful God doeth glorious and marvellous works. There those who have been long insane return to themselves: and although their outer man perisheth, yet their inner man is born again, and to use the words of the Apostle, is renewed from day to day (2 Cor. iv. 16) in the likeness of him, who has been made a man according to the will of God (Eph. iv. 24). There the proud are humbled, the rich are made poor, there the poor have the *Gospel preached to them and the darkness of sinners is changed into light. To this place then had assembled a great multitude of men poor but blessed, gathered out of various regions and nations from the very ends of the earth; yet have they one heart and one soul, so that of that house especially it may be said; Behold, strangers of Tyre and them of Ethiopia, these were there. (Ps. lxxxvii. 4. Vulg.) Rightly then the residence of all the joyful dwellers in that place has no empty or ill-founded joy; but it is everlasting, and they have a sure hope, which they have found in Clairvaux, of their ascension into Heaven, which has already begun. There they find the ladder of Jacob with angels upon it; some descending, who so provide for their bodies, that they may not faint in the way: and others ascending, who so rule over the souls of these happy ones that their bodies also may hereafter be glorified with them.

9. For the more diligently I watch from to-day those poor men; of a life so blessed, the more do believe that they follow Christ perfectly in all things; and I infer by certain signs that in all things they do they are shown to be true ministers of God. For when they are occupied in prayer, they speak to God in spirit and in truth; and as well by their trustful and attached tone towards Him, as by their humble posture of body, they show plainly that they are the near and dear friends of God. But when they are busied in singing the praises of God more openly by psalmody: how pure and how fervent is the disposition of their mind towards it, the entire posture of their body sufficiently shows by their holy fear and reverence.: while their lingering and careful pronunciation and modulation of the words of the Psalms shows how sweet to their lips are the praises of God, sweeter even than honey to their mouth. And while I watch them singing so piously and unweariedly the Psalter in the daily Hours and nightly offices, from before midnight right on to the break of day, with only a brief interval, they seem to me a little less indeed than Angels, but much more than men. It is not in mere human power to perform this task with such steady cheerfulness and constant endurance, as well as with such great fervour and desert, but must be a divine gift. During the reading of the Scriptures too, they seem to drink in gently and softly the waters of Siloah which flow in silence, and spring up unto eternal life. Their posture and demeanour show that they are disciples of one Master, who teaches their hearts, saying: Hear, 0 Israel, and be silent. They are still then, and listen, and increase in wisdom: since the wise man who listens and learns shall become still wiser.

9. And these poor men who lead so saintly a life, what effect do you suppose, my dear friend, that they produce on the spectator, as they go and come from their work, or carry on their various manual labours? It is quite evident that they are acting on motives higher than earthly, even upon the prompting of the Divine Spirit; so patiently and placidly, with such quiet countenances, and in such sweet and holy order, do they go through all things, that though they exert themselves very much, they never seem to be distressed or overburdened in anything, however great their labours. Whence it is manifest, that in them works that Holy Spirit, who sweetly disposes all things: in whom also they are refreshed, so that they rest even while they labour. Of these men, now so poor, some, I hear, have been Counts, others Bishops, or holders of other dignities, or men illustrious for their great knowledge; and some, young men of noble birth. But now, by the grace of God, every distinction of person among them has expired: and the higher was the previous rank of any one of them in the world, the less he considers himself in this flock, and the lower in all respects. When I look at them working in the garden with the hoe, in the meadows with fork and rake, in the fields with the hook and in the woods with the axe, and with other tools at different descriptions of labour, to judge from their outward appearance, the work they are about, their tools, their uncared-for persons, their ill-arranged and common clothes, I should suppose them to be not persons of consideration, but a kind of people stupid, speechless, and uncultured, the scorn of men, and the offscouring of the people; but a sound and trustworthy intuition within my heart tells me that their life is hidden with Christ in the heavens. Among them I rejoice to see Geoffrey of Peronne, Rainauld of Picardy, William of S. Omer, Walter of Lisle, all of whom I knew formerly in the old man: but now, thanks to God, of that old man is no trace any longer. In their former state I knew them proud and puffed up, with haughty looks and airs of extreme importance: but now I see them humbled under the merciful hand of God, and with, a humility surprising to those below them and to themselves. In their former time knew them as sepulchres outwardly whitened, but within full of the bones of the dead: now on the contrary, I see that they bear, as it were, the earthen vessels of the Lord, which though plain outwardly, are filled within with the costly perfumes of Heaven.

When, then, the: whole community goes to or returns from the accustomed work, quietly, one after another and step by step, as it were, in order of battle and with the humble arms of peace displayed, do not the Angels of God look upon this little band of men converted to Christ out of the darkness of sin, and thus, urging their way onwards, with joy and gladness; and sing, as it were: What company is this which cometh up from the wilderness as the morning star at its rising, beautiful as the mbon, etc. (Cant. vi. 9). The devil is frightened and enraged to see himself excluded: knowing (would that he might always see and lament) that the loss to his kingdom is not small by the renewal of so many souls. Therefore he arms himself with all the resources of his sharpest malice; so as to capture in the nets of subtle and involved reasoning those whom he can no longer hold captive by the blandishments of this world. But not even thus shall the enemy prevail; for they have placed their most safe refuge in the Cross of Christ, their dear and only hope of salvation, which they embrace with all their heart.

10. Finally, my dear friend, what idea would yod/form of these same poor of Christ, did you see theni /at tfe time of their meal? What sobriety, what self-resttafnfY I believe that in their demeanour there is nothing visible that displeases God, or enables man to find fault. So modestly, so holily do they behave themselves, as to appear without question that which they are: righteous men, who fear God. Therefore they receive with attention their spiritual food, the Word of life, for which they are always a-hungered: therefore they eat and drink reverently the other gifts of God which are set for them: no exquisite delicacies, but that which they have cultivated with their own hands; vegetables and pulse. Their drink is a kind of beer; if this is wanting, they use plain water instead. Wine they seldom use; and then mixed with much water. They eat and drink then, as rendering due nourishment to the body; not as in indulging in good cheer or in gluttony; but only, as yielding to the necessity of nature and to God, as it is written, Meats for the belly and the belly for meats, but God shall destroy both it and them (1 Cor. vi. 13). For the Kingdom of God is not food and drink, but righteousness and peace and joy (Rom. xiv. 17) which form the only object of their desires, and the end at which they aim. For the great mistress of their entire life is obedience: which they follow so faithfully in all respects that there is not a single moment even of the day or night which is not devoted to obedience and Divine worship among them. Therefore I verily believe that (to pass over actions which are of greater merit and importance) there is not a single step which they take nor a movement of their hands which is directed otherwise than, to the obtaining remission of sin or an increase of glory in eternal life. Those who perhaps sometimes fall, as they are not able entirely to avoid doing while they bear the burden of weak flesh, are nevertheless not crushed, because the Lord supports them with His Hand.

n. Here then, my dear friend, you have those few particulars which I promised to set down in this letter for your edification respecting the poor monks of Clairvaux. Many greater and better things remain untold: but for the present these suffice. My strong desire is that I may be worthy to be united in body and in spirit as far as may be with those poor in Christ, so that I may be helped by their intercession, may feel a more fruitful penitence, and be able to cry with greater faith to the Lord. Lord, I have fled unto Thee, teach me to do Thy will, deliver me from my enemies, 0 my God (Ps. cxliii. 9, io). Unto Thee, 0 Lord, do I lift up my soul. 0 my God, I trust in Thee, let me not be confounded (Ps. xxv. 1—2) or similar prayers.. For I am so far under probation, and by the grace of God, am being trained in their rule and manner of life; so that when shall have been admitted into their body, I may know how to watch with them, and to slumber only in the spirit. For the Kingdom is promised to the vigilant, and he who sows in the spirit shall in the spirit reap life eternal. To which I pray that by the mercy of God, I may happily attain, and the whole Church of Noyon, my mother and patroness; so that may see Christ and reign with Him. Amen. Farewell. God willing, on the Sunday after the Ascension of Our Lord, I shall receive the equipment of my profession, through the grace and' blessing of Jesus Christ, which I trust He will deign to grant unto me by the merits of His Mother and by your prayers. Amen. Again farewell; remember thy last end and have pity upon thy soul.

Letter CDLX.